THE MUDDY AVENUE TO SELF-DEVELOPMENT

---

As featured in Travel. Play. Live Magazine, Autumn 2018
 
Mud between my toes.  Mud etched into the lines of my hands.  Mud spots on my cheeks, both facial and I am sure, other.  Mud masking the scratches across my legs, the downside of this dense south-west Tasmanian scrub.  I have pain in my lower back, jarred from all the ducking beneath and leaping over the maze of toppled trees, their lifespan shortened by the roaring forties that rip through here.  If I am not buried in this confusion of fallen limbs, I am vaulting from button grass to mud bank, trying to avoid the deepest holes.  I can hear Dale behind me.  Deep breaths expired, the squelch of his shoes and the occasional humorous remark at our predicament as he flings himself across, and sometimes into, each muddy void.
 
Just four hours earlier I had lain, clean and cosy beside my husband listening to the rain beating onto the metal roof of our van. Surrounded by absolute darkness, the only indication of our remote location was the sounds of wind in the ancient Gondwanen forests and the swollen, rushing river.  Into this dark night I had uttered, ‘I am scared’.  Despite the knot of anxiety in my stomach, I had clambered out of the down parlor, the beam from my head torch highlighting the breadth of the growing puddles.  As I had tugged on long scrub socks, shoes and raincoat, set a match to my stove and prepared my tea pot, I went through a mental checklist:

• Do I have the right gear for these conditions? – ‘Yes’
• Do I adequately know the route? – ‘Yes’
• Have I prepared beyond all reasonable doubt? – ‘Yes’
• Do I have the skills for this adventure? – ‘Yes’
• Do I trust myself? – ‘I think so’

​As I poured the boiling water onto the tea leaves and finished preparing my vest pack, I knew that the only failure in this adventure would be not leaving the comfort of this van.  Fear should never be the barrier to our dreams.    
 
In May 2017, I had taken a giant step back from competitive sport.  Ready for a change in attention, I was forced to address the questions, ‘Who is Hanny and what does success really mean for her going forward?’  My new normal became playfulness and it was on the silly adventures, most notably in the wilder environments of Tasmania, that I slowly came to a very important realization - success is not about reaching summits, winning medals or hitting business targets.  Rather, it is a willingness to walk to, and then along, the edge of discomfort.  To be willing to be uncomfortable in the pursuit of the meaningful.
 
By the time I had hugged my husband one last time, rain beating down and my watch reading 4:30am, I was completely committed.  I followed Dale into the dense, saturated undergrowth, our torches dancing together.  Whilst the summit of Federation Peak was our aim, twenty-two kilometers along this overgrown hiking route, I knew that I had already succeeded by being 120% engaged in this adventure.  That is, success had been emotionally checking in for today despite the adverse weather conditions.
 
Now, four hours into the mission, I feel nervous.  Dale and I are ‘running’ towards the base of Moss Ridge, the notorious 1000m climb onto the plateau that marks the start of the final precarious ascent to the summit of Federation Peak.  We can see the clouds boiling above us, the summit’s sheer beauty obscured by their wet contents.  I have noticed the temperature has dropped again and I find myself needing to stop to pull on more layers.  I am wet to my skin, my shoes filled with the fine silt from the mud and every time I bend over my back is jarring.  Deep down I can distinguish that my emotion is not so much fear, but rather vulnerability in the face of the challenge ahead.  
 
To help remain positive, Dale and I begin to break the adventure down into smaller moments.  We encourage one another to keep fueled, warm, and to continue for another short period of time before we decide on the feasibility of a summit attempt.  We cut through the tension with laughter for what else can you do when you are soaked to your undies, muddier than a hippo and running like a wombat?  As it happened, this was the exact moment in this adventure where success occurred. Our willingness to persevere and laugh in the face of our discomfort created a positive spiral that soon after had us whooping and huffing, puffing and clambering all the way to the plateau. From there we had gingerly scuttled up and then down steep scree-filled gullies, teetered our way around narrower ledges and then, with frozen fingers, pulled our way up the final rock faces towards the summit where cold and dangerous conditions had us hightailing downwards before even a happy-snap could be taken.  Not once, in those uphill endeavors, did we consider turning back. Success at the base of the mountain had helped us to realise our dream of summiting.
 
It was a long, muddy waddle home.  However, high on the adrenalin of accomplishment, we giggled, found tranquil silence, experienced peacefulness in our deepest selves and then finally bumped into my husband Graham.  After 11.5hours and 43km, we popped back out of the undergrowth to the welcome sight of the van.  The sun was shining.
 
Every element of that adventure to Federation Peak should have been miserable and yet, when I reflect on it, all I can find is joy.  I am so proud that we overcame the temptation of comfort to embrace the conditions, that we found delight in the discomforts, and that we didn’t turn around in the face of fear or vulnerability.  It just makes me even more empowered to share what I know about success – that it is not the outcome.  It is about your willingness to walk to the edge of discomfort, and then remain there.
 
Adventure can truly be your avenue to self-development. It can strengthen you in moments of weakness and showcase what you truly love.  Adventure can highlight where you have room to grow, and where you have already grown.  It requires patience and perseverance, preparation and planning, humility and humour. And if the stars align, you will walk away many memories richer. ​