Part 3: Journey towards parenthood

Now as the third trimester evolves, and week 32 creeps up to meet me, I still feel empowered. No longer am I counting up the weeks but rather counting down the weeks until I hope to meet our beloved Kiddo. I have had a few ‘eek’ moments, lying awake in the night with horrendous restless legs, cramps and itchiness, and wondering how to prepare myself for the unknown of labour. But then I remind myself that my intuition and trust in my body has moved me this far, and so I just have to trust that she will carry me through D-Day and the early days of motherhood too. I have still been super active through these first 4 weeks of this trimester, although the jogging is easing into a routine of more and more swimming. I head to the pool three or so times a week to swim with my mother, a gift in itself as we share laps and time together. I have also used creativity throughout this entire journey to balance out the mental load of work, the time with people, and then also the physical outputs. Sitting quietly drawing, painting or writing is something that harmonises me.

Preparing for Kiddo’s arrival is also a really special time. I have loved preparing our upstairs attic nursery, reading books about parenting, and also spending time with loved ones who again make me feel buoyant. I am asking questions but trying not to get too caught up in the hype. This really strongly reminds me of the early years of elite sport. Back then, a lanky blonde teenager, I was eager to thrive in the new world that awaited me. I was a sponge for new knowledge, seeking out wise council and asking a million questions. However, I was also mature enough to realise that not every bit of advice would be perfect for me, so I took it on board and filtered it through the lens of ‘Me’. My early interpretation of motherhood and pregnancy is the same. We need to know ourselves and be unapologetically happy to walk in our own shoes. But then we need to be humble enough to take support, advice and feedback. I am striving to find this balance.
 
I am absolutely no guru about this pregnancy thing. But with humility I wish to share my story in the hope that it might assist other individuals as they embark on their own journeys towards parenthood. I guess I speak to the individuals who, like us, were on the fence and wondering which side they wished to wander. I also speak to those active women who do become pregnant and then want to maintain their sense of identity, fitness, health and wellbeing. In summary, what I wish to say is:

• I don’t think we know what the journey of parenthood is like until we are truly doing it. Just like embarking on a bushwalk, you can try to picture the walk before you depart but nothing resembles those first few steps you take on the path – the heightened smells, natural acoustics, feeling of the trail beneath your shoes, cool air in and warmer air out… the sense of being in it. If you are on the fence of parenthood but believe you might wish to try, all I can say from our experience is that once we clambered off and began to walk on the side of parenthood it felt oh-so-great. 
• Pregnancy doesn’t herald the end of your sense of self, wellbeing or fitness. Yes, you will need to relinquish all sense of control and also identity based on how you look or what you achieve. Instead, I found that I really had to take each day as it came and let the journey just unfold. But I still have had (and still have) aspirations and dreams! For instance, no matter how queasy or weary I felt, I still prioritized a minimum of 60-minutes of outside time every morning. Each week I also aimed to do something that inspired me. I only ever strived one week ahead of myself. I never judged my body, just my mojo. If I felt it waning then I tried to find a new activity or dream to spice life back up again. That said, I exercised where I felt safe, often on my own or amongst individuals who made me feel buoyant. I never compared myself to previous weeks or my old life, but rather I found joy in what I accomplished in that day, in that moment. I took no records although I kept a journal to help me remember to overall experience. With this approach I have surprised myself every day by what I can do. I have maintained a sense of empowerment and curiosity. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but I know I can remain curious and excited about what can unfold today.
• It is important to strive to inspire one another, and show unconditional support. So much is changing in my body every day but the world is also changing for my husband too. He too has to make grand adjustments to the world as he knows it, and how he will fit into that. So, I feel really strongly that it is my role to create space for him to recalibrate. If he needs me then I am present. But when he needs to fly and chase a dream then I have tried to support him unconditionally. I am not afraid to ask for help (or a massage!), nor do I hold back in offering my support in return. I feel that the connection of parenthood has started in pregnancy, and that if we can continue to work as a harmonious, inspired team now whilst maintaining our individual identities, then this can only lend itself to being an empowered team when Kiddo arrives.
• If you don’t dream it you cannot achieve it. This is the motto I am trying to hold onto as parenthood approaches. There are so many differing ways to approach parenting but I truly believe that we need to find the approach that best works for us as individuals and as a team. We don’t want our world as we once knew it to end when Kiddo arrives. We want to stay adventurous, ambitious and empowered. It can be easy to hear the noise out there about parenting, but I turn to my past for inspiration. If I hadn’t dreamt of being a World Champion I never would have become a world champion. If I didn’t dream about starting a business I never would have started a business. In the thick of Covid, if we hadn’t dreamt of coming out the other side unscathed then we wouldn’t have had the determination to make it work out safely. So, our approach to parenthood is to dream of our world incorporating Kiddo gleefully and playfully into it. We also frequently verbalise how we hope to create time and space for one another to strive for our individual dreams, and already have a bucket list on the fridge with all the adventures we wish to share together with Kiddo. It might not unfold like this, but if you don’t start with a dream then it certainly won’t happen!

 
In summary, as an individual, we are made up of multiple identities. I am Hanny – a daughter, wife, friend, dreamer, athlete, coach, businesswoman, writer, artist and now a pregnant woman. Soon I will add mother to this list too. Pregnancy nor motherhood doesn’t have to erase my other identities, but rather add color to Hanny like an artist adds to depth to their painting. Having this understanding, and realizing that my husband is only adding depth to his world as he approaches fatherhood, has helped myself and him to adapt to the world as we evolve towards parenthood. I hope that this understanding can now help other soon-to-be mothers and fathers to embrace the joys of parenthood, to relinquish any fear or sense of control and rather be curious and excited about what lies ahead.
 
Grow wilder. Play wilder. Parent wilder.
 
Hanny

PART 1: Journey towards parenthood

part 2: journey towards parenthood