2019 REFLECTION: WHAT I FEARED & WHAT I GAINED

Dear Reader,
 
Thank you. Thank you for taking the time out from the hustle and bustle of this festive season to read this letter. Thank you for using this moment to reflect on a year unfolded and a year about to be created. Each one of us holds the seeds for change, growth and untapping our greatest potential. And if we are thriving, we can be the change that we wish to see in the world, the spark of inspiration for others. That is what I hope to bring to you today as I reflect on my own year and the 12 defining moments that encapsulate it.

JANUARY

I hobbled around on crutches, swapping trail running for rowing (without legs) in the gym and swimming laps of a 25m pool. I clearly remember one morning riding my e-bike to the pool. In this moment I was resenting the injury. However, I had a sudden realization that if I had been only 6 years old and told that every morning I could play in a pool or the world’s greatest playground (a gym), I would have been like a kid in a candy store. On that morning, I am certain that changing my mindset has changed my entire outlook on exercising forever.
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• What I feared: Loosing my health, wellbeing and vitality
• What I gained: An understanding that thriving is a mental state. 

FEBRUARY

I turned 33 years old… I purchased an electric scooter. Sat my motorbike license. Fell off it. Sold my scooter. Wasted money. But lived out a fabulous dream.
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• What I feared: Having to grow up
• What I gained: Choosing to remain young 

MARCH

I returned to trail running.
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• What I feared: That my body wouldn’t allow me to play wilder any more.
• What I gained: An even greater appreciation for the simplest things in life.

APRIL

I showed 12 enthusiastic tour guests my backyard. We ran through the dawn. Took a moment of silence under 1000-year-old trees. Slid on our bums down snow-filled gullies. Sat by the fire. Shared our highlights of the days. Shared our dreams. Shared the challenges we each face.
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• What I feared: The leeches!
• What I gained: An even deeper appreciation for what we have – leeches and all - and that it is up to every single one of us to do our absolute best to preserve it.

MAY

I have worked with one particular client now for over 6 years. In May she completed the Ultra Trail Australia 100km. New to trail running and with a fear of heights, in May this year saw her thriving on mountain summits on our Find Your Feet Tours and completing the Ultra Trail Australia 100km, it made me just so damn proud! 
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• What I feared: That I had nothing more to teach her
• What I gained: That the best teacher-student relationship is the one where the student is teaching the teacher. For this is when you know you have done your job optimally. 

JUNE

I embarked on a 6-week professional and personal journey through Europe. 
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• What I feared: Leaving my business & Team for such a long period of time.
• What I gained: A lesson that the best gift that we can give others is trust. 

JULY

I spontaneously embarked on my own hero’s journey at the Atlantic town of Hendeye. Under the tuition of my coach & mentor I have discovered that each and every one of us is on a hero’s journey and after rejecting the call for far too long, I crossed the threshold into the new world, a space I had dreamed of for oh-so-long – a world of exploration, learning, growing and overcoming my greatest fears. A world where I could gift myself 3 weeks to unapologetically run wilder through the mountains, only to realise that these mountains were a metaphor for crossing the mountains and obstacles of my deep internal landscape.
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• What I feared: Feeling guilty for taking 3 weeks to pursue my passion for playing wilder
• What I gained: An appreciation that every grand challenge we strive for has 4 phases – the physical challenge (‘Let’s get this thing done!’) becomes replaced by a mental challenge (‘Eeks, this is harder than I thought. What do I do?’), which in turn is replaced by an emotional challenge (‘Why am I doing this?’) before finally reaching a spiritual place – a place of calm strength, self-acceptance and understanding that there is nowhere else on the planet you need to be.

AUGUST

I completed the Pyrenees Traverse, a trail run of over 700km and 45,000m of climbing through the French Pyrenean Mountains. Running into Banyuls-Sur-Mer with the Mediterranean Ocean glistening, I thought I would feel heightened emotions. Instead I felt so completely and utterly at peace with the world and my place within it.
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• What I feared: The journey coming to an end
• What I gained: A realization that whilst every hero’s journey does indeed have an ending, you always return with an elixir to share with others. When we grow stronger in ourselves, we grow stronger together

READ MORE ABOUT MY PYRENEES JOURNEY HERE

SEPTEMBER

The euphoria continued.
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• What I feared: Coming down off the high of the journey
• What I gained: You never, ever forget the moments when you truly, unapologetically pursue your greatest calling.

OCTOBER

I ran the length of the Kumano Koda Pilgrimage Trail with 11 Find Your Feet guests.
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• What I feared: The vivid green snakes – who knew Japan had snakes? 
• What I gained: An even greater appreciation for the Japanese culture – their slower pace of life, their gift to self of self-compassion, and their celebration of the world’s natural beauty.

NOVEMBER

I struggled to maintain my momentum. High on a huge year I found myself stretching too far, asking too much of myself, compromising quiet time and in doing so, risking the wellbeing of others around me.
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• What I feared: Not maintaining what I had started 
• What I gained: A realization that needing to pause is not your engine breaking down. Not at all! It is merely slowing the car to avoid running a red light.

DECEMBER

I have taken the opportunity to reflect on this year, to look around me at the collection of memories and find gratitude in every single one of them. In a snapshot, my injury healed and I found my feet in the mountains. I was gifted the opportunity to study under the most extraordinary mentor I could ever ask for and am nearing completion of these studies. I finished writing my second book and have sold over 8000 copies of my Trail Running Guidebook. My little business, Find Your Feet turned 10 years old and we now have 25 staff, two stores, have hosted over 40 tours and have 20,000 supporters. I am more in love with my husband than ever, more grateful for my family and friends’ support, and more at peace in my own two shoes.

• What I feared: The what next?
• What I gained: An appreciation for what I have RIGHT NOW. The what next is still coming.

As I come to a conclusion I just want to ask - What did 2019 hold for you? What did you fear and what did you gain? Or perhaps think of it this way: Every year we interact with people, have experiences, learn lessons, visit places and use things. So, under each of these headings, what did you start, what did you maintain and what did you finish?
 
Each year is an opportunity for starting what we want or need to start, maintaining what we want or need to maintain, and finishing what we want or must finish. Therefore, what opportunities does 2020 provide for you? For me I know that 2020 is a year of consolidating. For gifting space and time back to myself to rejuvenate, reset and after doing so, lean into the mountains once more.
 
With my gratitude and absolute best wishes for being wilder, playing wilder & performing wilder.